Signs of the Times

Well. It's been a long time since my last thoughts were committed to something like paper, and the main reason is technology, or rather my inability to cope with it. I had a great problem transferring myself from Google to Google Chrome, and after overcoming that, I got a new phone, and got into a real knot in transferring the photos to my computer, and then finding them again!!. I could get them in without much trouble, but I couldn't find them again!!!! Anyway, having now mastered the art of photo retrieval, I am able, once more, to report on things which have been happening. Sandwell has, as usual, occupied much of my thinking time. An intriguing phenomenon has appeared in the last couple of months at Sandwell Valley. The Sandwell Special Sign Secretariat has caused to be erected a number of low level, in fact, near ground level, signs. Some of these take the form of little stumps with tiny signs attached to them. Others look like picture frames with what appears to be a map in them. It's not immediately apparent why these signs have been installed but, of course, being Sandwell there doesn't have to be any particularly good reason. I came across a cyclist one Sunday morning, sitting on his bike, staring down at one of the map signs. It was too far away from him to be able to discern the detail for which he was looking and he asked me if I could tell him something about it. I had to disappoint him. I told him that as it had been so wet for so many weeks the ground was soaked, but that as soon as it dried out sufficiently for me to lie down on it, I would be able to see what the map was all about. Until then, like him, I had no idea. I agreed with him that it was a little odd to put up maps with fine print so close to the ground. But I explained that Sandwell has many experts on its staff and amongst its subcontractors so there was probably a very good reason for these signs being unreadable unless you lie on the ground first. I told him about the rash of nice oak signposts which appeared all over the place a few years ago, and that progressively, Sandwell removed most of them. I also told him about the one just a few yards away which was pointing in completely the wrong direction. He seemed like a nice chap - said this was his first visit to Sandwell Valley - but I got the distinct impression that this wasn't an experience which he was going to repeat in a hurry. Anyway, all that aside, whilst there is no obvious reason for these low level signs, I think I may have reasoned out their raison d'etre. It all hinges on the location of the stumps around Swan Pool. Most of them have been positioned within a few yards of big red lifebelt stations which themselves have signs on them, some of which are identical to the tiny ones on the stumps. The difference though is that the signs on the lifebelt stations are at normal head height and of a size which enables them to be read. And therein, I think, lies the clue to the reason for the low level stumpy signs, and, by a process of extrapolation, the low level maps. It is clear that the low level signs are not intended to be read by normal sized adults. It's also pretty obvious, because of the content, that neither are they intended to be read by children. So who are they for? Why -- it's obvious. Pygmies! Now, OK, I agree that you don't see too many pygmies walking around Sandwell Valley - largely because we don't have too many in the UK. But they have lots in central Africa, and I would be prepared to bet that the Sandwell Special Strategy and Forward Planning Secretariat has spotted this, and are putting in place the infrastructure necessary to accommodate the inhabitants of Cameroon; Botswana and Namibia et al in case they are ever granted full membership of the European Union. I know that sounds a bit crazy, but this is Sandwell we are talking about, and why else have signs so close to the ground that ordinary sized people can't read? . . .